Pain

There are so many different types of pain. Each with their own particular sting. Each unrelenting. Each unique. Yet all having in common the desire for their end and a return to the pre-pain state. Are we at pain's mercy? Does it dictate to us or do we have any control? Surely no one wants to feel pain (mashocists and self harmers excluded). I 've heard people say that pain makes them feel alive. Aren't there other ways to feel alive? If you enjoy it, then it really isn't pain is it? Can we control whether or not we feel pain? I don't think so, not unless you are a completely disconnected person. Maybe we can control the way we relate to the pain or the way we do pain. Why is it considered brave and desirable to have a high tolerance for pain? This implies that suffering is noble. Is this true? Should people feel badly or think less of themselves because they are pained by the loss of a relationship? What about physical pain? After suffering for three days which an excruciating pain in my right shoulder, I went to my doctor yesterday. As soon as I told her what was wrong with me, I started to cry. I cried the whole duration of the appointment. Maybe it was the combination of drugs, pms and unrelenting pain, but I just couldn't stop. I apologized to her for crying! Later I realized how stupid that was. Mind you it was effective if my goal had been to acquire major painkillers. I actually felt ashamed because I was upset by my pain and my inability to hide it. How fucked up is that? This morning I was feeling badly for wanting a painkiller and trying to be strong, but the pain in my shoulder was so bad that my brain couldn't stand it and I fainted. I spent twenty minutes on the bathroom floor in child's pose. This denial of pain is getting ridiculous. Perhaps back in prehistoric times to show pain made you vulnerable to prey. Isn't the opposite true now, to deny pain makes you vulnerable and not in reality.