I have come to realize that I am equally inept at detecting if a guy is into me or not into me. Which is shocking to me as I pride myself on my ability to read others. It is partially what I do for a living. I am blaming this cluelessness on my mother and her genes. I think it may be inherited. After all she did spend almost all of grade twelve holding hands with another female student without the thought entering her mind, that the other student may be a lesbian and into her. "I thought she just wanted to be friends." Way to reinforce all those Catholic, all girls school, weirdness, stuff stereotypes, mom. It was only after the poor, unintentionally lead on, lesbian student tried to kiss her, that my mother clued in. Unfortunately for the other student, my mother is straight and apparently stunned.
Went out with the dutch boy last weekend and absolutely cannot tell if this guy is into me. We had been talking and messaging throughout the week. His texts are rather flirty, but then in person, not much happens. I think that the waiter, who was this cute, young, Indian guy with big eyes, flirted with me more. Maybe he is shy and it's hard for him to be flirty in person. I don't know. This is going to sound so conceited, but it never occurred to me after the first date that he may not like me. It was only the next day when the thought crossed my mind that he might not be all that smitten with me. I guess that it really didn't matter that much to me if he was or wasn't. Perhaps he is like me, a little ambivalent.
This ambivalence is of course getting fuel from my superficial side that has already made note of a few things that are potentially problematic. Just to prove that I am a horrible shallow person, here is a list of items upon which we do not see eye to eye:
1. He drives a bright and I mean painful on the retinal nerves, yellow car. On the plus side, he has a car and it can always be located quickly in the mall parking lot.
2. He lives in Brampton and has room mates. It takes over an hour to drive there and is the kind of suburbia that could make me insane. On the plus side, I don't have to worry about running into him at Tim Horton's if things don't work out between us. Room mates, just too university days for me. On the plus side, he is trying to save to buy his own place and knows how to share, respect other's privacy and clean up after himself.
3. He hasn't cut his hair since May. This wouldn't be so bad, but he isn't much into styling it. Worse yet, he confessed that he had really long hair, prior to the May cut that was at times and I cringe as I write this, in a pony tail. The horror. On the plus side, he has lots of hair. He showed me a picture from a few years ago when he had short hair and he looked really cute. I tried to stress how nice it looked and hoped that he would pick up on it, but who knows. It is probably a good thing for me not to go out with a vain guy. I have done this in the past to disastrous consequences.
4. He likes to listen to something called symphonic rock. Which sounds like metal with orchestration. I don't really like it and I like almost all types of music. This guy really needs to let go of the early 90's.
5. He likes to watch Formula One racing. Cars going around and around for hours? Unless you have smoked some weed, this just seems so boring to me. But he likes soccer, which other people have told me is boring. Although I think there could be a major falling out between us, if Holland were to face Deutschland in Euro 2008.
6. This is perhaps the most concerning thing, he loves the Star Wars Trilogy. I can't stand Star Wars; hated the first one which I saw when I was ten years old and can't bear to watch any of the others. He tried to convince me that it had deeper political and social meaning. Maybe I have a closed mind about this. At the risk of further alienating him, I told him that I also hated The Lord of The Rings Trilogy. Fortunately, he is not so crazy about it either. He loves movies and has a fabulous collection. This is a major plus.
See how superficial, I am. He is also intelligent, polite, thoughtful and respectful. He thinks I am very funny and laughs at my stories. He has beautiful lips and very well kept, clean hands. And I think somewhere under all the loose clothes, could be a pretty nice body. He hasn't really tried to make any moves on me. Which could be a good thing or could just mean that he really isn't that into me. I just can't tell. This could all mean that maybe he is exactly the kind of guy that I should go for or at least try out.
11 comments:
give it time and you'll figure out whether something like the star wars thing is a minor obsession or rules his life... the other things sound pretty minor, and on the whole he sounds decent and not psychotic (which, let's face it, is pretty damn good!)as for living in Brampton, is that permanent? Does he work there, would he live (if he could) in Bloor West for example? and you have to take other things into consideration: does he make you laugh? Is he considerate to salespeople/his mother/waiters etc...?? Didn't Jacy post a list of dealbreakers a while back? there were lots of interesting items posted so take your time to think about your list...
I think it is good to move slow, says the woman who had the best fully clothed 90-minute makeout session of her adult life last night.
Seriously though -- it's better to get to know someone.
Although nobody every listens to me (and by nobody, I mean Jacy) I'm going to weigh in with an opinion anyway. I grew up with a lot of Dutch boys being a farm girl from way back and I've learned that there is no nation more concerned about racial purity than the Dutch. This means that Dutch boys have a genetic propensity to meld their genes only with genes of Dutch girls. They also tend to have really big families. So despite his better sense he may by subconsciously weighing you up for your essential Dutchness and your reproductive abilities. I assume you're of Germanic descent, and while that makes you geographically close, it also makes you ideologically really distant -- not to mention that whole historic thing. I can't speak for your fecundity.
So the question is how Dutch is he? The roomates and hair leads me to suspect very Dutch. He doesn't like living alone because he's used to a big family and Dutch guys always, but always have hair issues. They rarely go bald, but they settle into a look and stick with it for life. I was at a Dutch wedding on the weekend and 3 guys there had mullets, most others had variations of 80's and late 70's hair and almost every guy there had a moustache.
In conclusion, if this guy is really Dutch and over 22, he's looking for a wife and he may not want to start anything with you until he's sure you're going to be a suitable Dutch wife.
I spent the afternoon with the Dutch Boy yesterday. It was sort of an ordeal by shopping test. Let's just say he failed, but not in the way you would think. He had no problem at all with shopping, which surprised me. He did seem to have a problem with listening to my suggestions about things like where to park, and where to go. What I mean is he decided that we would park many blocks away (more than 10) from where I had said I needed to go and then took me on an meanadering trip through a whole bunch of stores that basically interested him alone. This may not sound like a big deal, but I was expecting three stores all within three blocks of each other and in high heels on a hot day, it was. He didn't seem to consider me much at all, now that I think about it. And Urban Pedestrian, I think you really nailed it. He is very Dutch and nationalistically so. I spent the afternoon hearing about how the best directors, musicians, cooks, soccer players and even navigators are all Dutch. This was interspersed with comments disguised as jokes, about the facist, arrogant, controlling Germans. Does anything else really need to be said? He wants to be in control and I have no desire to be there at all. I could be superfisal and mention his hair didn't even look brushed and his favourite bands are Megadeath, Anthrax and Metallica and no, I am not making that up. I think I just really wanted to want someone other than my non relationship, relationship guy, that it took a good old shopping trip for me to see the light. Now the question is how do I return his dvds without seeing him?
Well Fritzi good for you. You got out there, gave him a test drive and decided the car wasn't to your liking.
I am not sure it's a Dutch thing, however -- it's just a douchebag thing.
Try, try again -- one of these times, you'll meet someone who is better for you.
I was just on a blog today and a bunch of women in very happy relationships mentioned how they'd met their guys online. It took a few to find them, but they did.
Don't give up.
As for the DVDS, can you mail them to him? Or just be straight and say look, I like you but I don't think I am really interested in a romantic relationship with you. But thanks so much for your kindness.
Now piss off.
You're IT --- I tagged you in my blog with the 7 Random Facts About Me meme
And I say, if you like the DVDs keep them. They're just DVDs. Or if you just want them out of your house, mail them like Jacy said (who, indcidentally seems really good at DISHING OUT advice about what to do with creepy loser beaux)
Urban, you are being kind of nasty, no?
I understand that my original posts about the Colombian put you off, but keep in mind I was scared to death at the time because it was my first foray into dating and I was still very heartbroken and frightened.
My friends who have actually MET the man, and not judged him based on my own frightened posts written while in the throes of a minor panic attack, think he's great.
Cut me some slack, Jesus.
Consider your slack cut. I didn't mean that to sound as nasty as it obviously does. I meant it as a friendly ribbing. Sorry. And who cares what I think of the dude, anyway? I'm only responding to the questions asked -- I don't have all the inside info. And don't call me Jesus.
How do you feel about being called Christ?
There is only one Christ, Fritzi -- Clemens Fritz.
Ya, leave Christ for the Clemens Fritz. If you have to call me something exclamatory, how about Jumpin' Jehosaphat? Or Horace H. Ledbetter?
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