Have you ever taken an instant dislike to someone? Someone who hasn't done anything bad to you or anyone else, but for some reason you just can't stand them? The dislike comes quickly, almost immediately. Rather than waning as you get to know the person, it grows in strength.
I had an instant dislike to one of my co-workers. He's never done anything to me worthy of such disdain. In fact he probably senses that I can't stand him and tries to ingratiate himself to me. This only serves to make me despise him more. I have tried really hard not to let my dislike show. I have tried to find things that are likable about him, but I can't find any. The opposite has happened. My tolerance of him is shrinking. Things he used to do that I was indifferent about, now totally annoy me. It's like a force beyond my control is compelling me to dislike this guy.
I have found that since my dislike for him has been almost instant, whenever he does something I dislike I say to myself, see that's why you can't stand him. Maybe I look for them. But there are so many, it's like he can't stop doing things that irk me. I also go out of my way to note clever or amusing things he does.
I feel guilty for disliking him. What does it say about me that without reason,I can't stand someone? My sister, who is a little on the new age side, said that if you dislike someone for no good reason, then it is because there is something about him that reminds you of what you dislike about your self, in your shadow. Perhaps they reflect parts of you that you don't acknowledge, embrace or reject.
Could this be true? I thought about the things about him I don't like. He's lazy, he pawns his work off on everyone (he actually has done this to me), he's a slow talker, he constantly uses superfluous words like "with respect to" and "in regards of," he summarizes when unnecessary, his jokes aren't funny, he does the bare minimum in his work and doesn't show any creativity or initiative and he wears a ponytail. If these are qualities I have, then I have suppressed these parts of myself, because I can't stand them. Do I despise him because he embodies those parts of myself that I reject and don't give myself permission to surface? Do I dislike him because he allows himself to be a way that I try very hard not to be?
Could it be that sometimes you just don't like people for the same reason that you don't like all foods. Perhaps the expectation that you must like everyone isn't reasonable. I don't wish him ill, although I do admit to some schadenfreude when his manager chews him out at meetings for his ineptitude. Yes, everyone is beautiful in their own way...plus who am I to cast judgements? Everyone has redeeming qualities and worth. Everyone has a right to be who they are. Does that mean you have to like them?
Maybe I am arrogant and judgemental. But I just don't like him.
8 comments:
I can't imagine you are supressing a side of yourself that passionately yearns to use phrases like "in regards to" and "hitherto the previous" etc etc.
He sounds like a douche worthy of your disdain. I don't always buy the "everyone is beautiful in their own way" thing. Maybe it's because I have kids and I've seen enough nasty little children from very early ages to know that people just are who they are and are often born that way.
Some are great and funny and smart, some are tiresome, tantrum-throwing drips.
Grüß dich, Fritzi!
Consider how sordid, how stupid, in a word, how vulgar most men are, and you will see that it is impossible to talk to them without becoming vulgar yourself for the time being. Vulgarity is in this respect like electricity; it is easily distributed. [...] So you will see that, in dealing with fools and blockheads, there is only one way of showing your intelligence — by having nothing to do with them. That means, of course, that when you go into society, you may now and then feel like a good dancer who gets an invitation to a ball, and on arriving, finds that everyone is lame:—with whom is he to dance?
- Arthur Schopenhauer, Counsels and Maxims
Jacy's comment about nasty little kids reminded me of a disturbing instant dislike I had about six months ago. I took this horrible dislike to an acquaintance's two-year-old. This is a toddler that I had never met before, and very likely will never see again. But damn that kid pissed me off. I felt she was unattractive and selfish. I guess because she started loudly (and artificially) sobbing when her mother briefly held another woman's baby. The rest of the time, this kid just irritated me. Her smile seemed phony and her little wrinkled face bugged me. She seemed to be showing off and hogging everyone's attention. Usually I love children and melt around young toddlers and babies. What was wrong with me? I was trying to logically talk my self out of the dislike because she was just an innocent baby, but it was absolutely visceral.
Anonymous, that has happened to me many, many times.
And I don't think we should feel guilty about it because I do believe people, for the most part, are born the way they are. So if is stands to reason you might not like half the people you meet, then chances are you might not like half the children you meet either.
I have taken instant dislikes to whiny and clearly manipulative children. Usually, however, there's a wimpy parent involved who won't call them on their bullshit, and even at 2, a kid can be called on his or her bullshit and made aware of their inappropriate behaviour.
p.s. Oh Funnypants!
My dislike is now turning into contempt: Said lazy ass complained to his manager, who then spoke to my manager, who then spoke to me, whining that I had given him too much work! Really I could do his a weeks worth of his work in two hours with oven mitts on! I hate it when lazy people complain that they have too much work to do. Are you sewing jeans in China for twenty hours a day and getting paid six cents an hour? No? Then shut up!
As you can see by my tone I am really hating this guy.
Loved the quote Funnypants. I feel like I am at the dance with the lamest most awkward dancer.
fritzi, where are you? anyone who knows how to use "schadenfreude" correctly should blog more often...
The reason we meet a person and develope instant dislike is because that poor individual is being followed by demonic and negative spirits that are there just for that purpose. To make us dislike the individual. Usually this happens to an individual that has a major calling on their life by Jesus Christ to preach the word. The devil does not want that person to be well recieved or liked. It is a strange thing to happen - but it surely does. You need to pray for that person so that he can go on to be used by God.
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